Go out as a dynamic duo, not a trite tandem

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This article was published 12/10/2023 (1076 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband always wants to go to our neighbourhood Halloween party dressed up as some kind of hotshot politician or movie star, and I’m relegated to being his sexy side-babe. I’m sick of playing the supporting role to help him feel like a big shot.

This year the local Halloween party is back on, and I told him yesterday I’m going as Superwoman! He said, “Sorry, dear, it doesn’t go with the costume I want this year. I’m going as Donald Trump. You’ll have to change your costume.” I said, “No, I won’t. I’m going as Superwoman, period.”

He’s sulking now and not speaking to me at dinner beyond, “Pass me the butter.” I’d like to know how to handle this better. I still feel I’m right in doing this for me.

— Call Me Superwoman! West End

Dear Superwoman: The point was not for this to be a fight, but for you two to start going out for Halloween as originals, not as a linked pair. So don’t continue with the squabbling.

Go ahead with your costume and encourage him to rent a costume or buy something at one of the seasonal Halloween pop-up stores. Offer to accompany him, and you both can enjoy the adventure. The bigger thrift shops also have racks of costumes and accessory pieces on display right now, which offer up a wide range of creative options for the both of you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My father is a very successful farmer, and so was his dad. I’m interested in agriculture from a business standpoint, and that’s what I’m studying, mostly.

The problem? I don’t want to take over from Dad and live on an actual farm in the country anymore, though it was once my dream. My younger brothers are welcome to line up for the farm inheritance, but it’s no longer what I want.

How do I explain this to my dad — a really great guy — whose deepest wish is for me to come back to the country and work with him? He has paid the entire tuition for my education so far and plans to keep doing so. That makes me feel grateful. I have been able to get top marks, but I feel guilty for not paying for my courses, and now I don’t want to join him back in the farm business.

So far, I’ve just worked there in the summers, so I’ve had it pretty easy. How do I let him know what I already feel for a certainty?

— Son of a Great Man, University of Manitoba

Dear Son: Your father will be disappointed but not totally surprised. That’s the chance people take when their kids go off to university and see the many things they can do with their educations.

In your case, you don’t want to live on a farm but you want a job within the realm of agriculture. It’s time to be clear with your father about the courses you enjoy most and the type of career you really want.

As for easing the guilt, you’d feel better if you started paying for as much of your education as you can. That means finding a side job of some kind.

Right now, you have to gently make it clear you aren’t coming back to live in the country when you graduate. That’s probably going to hurt Dad, but at some level he likely knows there was a good chance you’d find something that would lure you away. At least you’ll always share a big interest in agriculture and enjoy that deep bond.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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