Real issue may be your dedication, not distance

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This article was published 30/08/2024 (707 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’ve had a wonderful summer in Manitoba because I got a seasonal job here relating to my university studies in Ontario. I fell in love with the province, particularly the lakes, and the friendly people I’ve met.

The problem is, I left my girlfriend at home and she doesn’t want to move here, which I would like her to do. I really don’t want to leave, especially now that I’ve received a great job offer. What if I stay and she finds somebody else back home?

She says one summer away from her was long enough. She’s hinting that if I force her to move to Manitoba she won’t want our relationship to continue.

Last night she said that four months of being apart was long enough and she wanted me to come home. She said she won’t wait much longer for me.

If she can say that, does she really even love me?

— Dumbfounded, Dauphin

Dear Dumbfounded: Do you love her enough? That’s the bigger question. You were willing to leave her for four long months. Now you’re telling her you’re in love with the province of Manitoba and she’d better move here fast or else she may lose you.

It seems she has already lost you and she pretty much knows it — so let her go. She can find another guy who loves her more and resides where she wants to be.

Frankly, neither of you sounds like you’re madly in love and couldn’t live without one another. Those ships may have sailed, and be aware you were the first one to leave port.

Luckily, there’s more than one love in the world for most people, which allows us to move around and not give up hopes of a lasting relationship when we do.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was first attracted to my girlfriend because she was the rebel of her family and I liked that a lot. It really turned me on.

In the last few months I’ve taught her a lot of things her religious family wouldn’t approve of. But now, no matter what I do for her, it isn’t enough.

She is suddenly comparing me to her sister’s husband, who she said treats her sister like an angel. I can’t stand that guy. She wants me to be like that? No way.

I’m a rebel and always have been, but I can feel she’s definitely getting closer with her family again and it’s really frustrating me.

This week I asked her if she would move away with me to British Columbia and she quickly said, “Probably not.”

What? A real woman wants to go where her man is going, right? What’s going on? It feels like my world is falling apart in front of me. What can I do?

— Losing Her? Headingley

Dear Losing: Your best bet is to find a woman who’s more like you — a bit tough, a real “rebel,” but capable of being passionate. Then you two can happily ride off across country together into the glowing sunset.

The notion of leaving her world behind and moving far away to live with you probably never entered your girlfriend’s mind until you pitched the idea. Unfortunately for you, people from stricter family backgrounds often go through a rebellious stage, but that doesn’t mean they stop loving their families and don’t want to be near them.

Then there’s the wisdom of parents to factor in. A “bad boy” can initially shake up conservative parents in a young woman’s life, and then they may unwisely criticize him. But when the parents realize that just makes things worse, the smart ones back off and regroup.

If they come back all loving and conciliatory, that may be all their daughter wanted from them — and then the rebel boyfriend won’t seem so necessary.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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