Don’t feel chained to fellow dominant type

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: On Valentine’s Day, I got a beautiful silver chain from my boyfriend. The problem is I feel it’s too much of a statement to everyone since we are so new to each other as a couple.

Also, the truth is I’m not super serious about him.

Should I just give the necklace back? This guy has a strong personality and will tell me to get lost if I do.

I don’t really want to break up yet, as he’s so sexy and funny. I just want to wait for when the time is right for me.

— Feeling Awkward, Westwood

Dear Awkward: If you give this chain back, you’re likely finished as a couple for three reasons: it’s early in the game, he’s a strong personality and his pride is on the line. In fact, it sounds like both of you are leaders and the relationship would be a competition much of the time.

You would be better suited as good friends, since you’re both dominant — and that’s just fine. So consider ending the romance and asking him nicely if he would like the chain back; tell him you have it with you.

Don’t expect to see him as your buddy after that. Let a guy have his pride.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was watching an evening of Winter Olympics events with my friends, both male and female, when the guys started betting on who would win each event.

It took all the fun out of it, especially when the amounts they bet got quite high. I went home disgusted, and quite early.

The host of the party called me later that night to ask why I was such a party pooper. I told him to get lost because I didn’t know what to say. Now he’s not talking to me and he’s usually my friend. What should I do?

— No Good at Making Up, Fort Garry

Dear No Good: If two people aren’t good at making up, they might just pretend the argument didn’t happen. One or the other calls up and invites the other person to an event, they just get together and don’t speak about the past uncomfortable situation.

Somewhere down the line they might apologize — or maybe never ­— but at least they’re not enemies over the disagreement. This could work for you two.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I thought I was in love with my new boyfriend before Christmas, but I met a wonderful guy at a New Year’s Eve party, and now I’m in love with him.

I don’t really trust myself to pick good partners and I’m already 29. I fall so fast that I have made some really dumb mistakes. Am I shallow, stupid, brainless or what?

— Fall Too Fast, North Kildonan

Dear Fall Too Fast: You need a new definition for “in love.” Call early feelings “a crush” and your condition “super attracted.” Leave that dangerous love word alone at first, as it gets people in trouble when used too early and it can be very hurtful when it’s withdrawn.

Also, during this new year consider getting some counselling around your ability to pick good partners, as you know you can’t trust yourself and that can be dangerous.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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