Hold onto family secret and think things through

Advertisement

Advertise with us

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: When our mother was away for a week after Christmas on a trip, my twin sister and I got into some dusty old boxes that we found tied up in the attic. We also found a trunk that I’m guessing belonged to my grandmother, or great grandma even.

Read this article for free:


or

Already have an account? Log in here »

To continue reading, please subscribe:

Subscribe and receive a limited-edition Free Press branded hat or tote.

Digital Subscription

One year of digital access for only $205*

  • Enjoy unlimited reading on winnipegfreepress.com
  • Read the E-Edition, our digital replica newspaper
  • Access News Break, our award-winning app
  • Play interactive puzzles

*First annual payment billed as $205.00 + GST for one year. This annual subscription will automatically renew at $233.00 + GST every 52 weeks (10% off the regular annual price of $259.35). Offer available to new and qualified returning subscribers only. Cancel any time.

To continue reading, please subscribe:

Add Free Press access to your Brandon Sun subscription for only an additional

$1 for the first 4 weeks*

  • Enjoy unlimited reading on winnipegfreepress.com
  • Read the E-Edition, our digital replica newspaper
  • Access News Break, our award-winning app
  • Play interactive puzzles
Start now

*Your next Brandon Sun subscription payment will increase by $1.00 and you will be charged $17.95 plus GST for four weeks. After four weeks, your payment will increase to $24.95 plus GST every four weeks.

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 27/01/2026 (227 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: When our mother was away for a week after Christmas on a trip, my twin sister and I got into some dusty old boxes that we found tied up in the attic. We also found a trunk that I’m guessing belonged to my grandmother, or great grandma even.

We opened it and found letters with a big secret in them — apparently my sister and I were never in the womb of our present “mother.” We were born into a much larger, different family that must somehow be related to us. Some of the photos also had my grandparents in them.

What I guess is my adoptive mom and dad must have taken us in as babies and raised us. For the record, she is an incredible mother and our dad is also great. We are the only kids they have raised. They gave us a wonderful life we wouldn’t have otherwise had.

So, now there’s this big question for my sister and me. Should we try to keep this secret quiet for the sake of the mom and dad who raised us, and think we don’t know? My sister wants me to stay quiet, but I can’t hold this in much longer. It feels like a physical ailment. The secret is killing me. What now?

— Whose Daughters? Manitoba

Dear Daughters: It’s best to confess to both your parents about what you discovered, and learn the whole complicated story now.

This could actually bring your birth mother back into your lives. Just prepare yourself for the possibility your lifelong adoptive folks may not want that. Would that be a good thing, or a painful thing for you?

It’s important to explore your feelings before acting too suddenly. This is a major conversation for you and your sister to have with your mom and dad and they may have had good reason for not exposing you to your birth parents, especially if they were unfit to raise children.

If you do decide to reach out to your birth mother and/or father someday, remember they may need time to come to terms with this development. Give them that space and tell them you’ll try again down the road, if necessary. First thoughts are not necessarily last thoughts, and you don’t have to give up.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Is it rude to return Christmas gifts of clothing you don’t like, even if they fit you? That is my problem. I did this recently with gifts from my aunts, a month after Christmas, and just kept the money. I feel like it shouldn’t be a big deal, but you know how family can be.

If my aunts find out, what should I do? They’ve never even tried to get to know what I like. They hardly talk to me anyway, and I’m sick of feeling bad about it.

— Guilty Nephew, West End

Dear Guilty: If it’s your first time seeing the aunts since Christmas, you can always say, “Thanks for the Christmas gifts,” while quickly exiting the room to get away from more questions.

If the aunties nab you and ask you specific questions, and you can’t remember any gift details, say, “I’ll get back to you on that. Gotta run now!”

If they really press you, tell them the clothes didn’t fit, but you returned them and plan to get other clothing with the money. Be sure to thank them for the gifts as well, even though they weren’t quite your style.

It’s never worth telling a big lie to get out of what is very likely a small, insignificant conversation. They are family after all, and will likely understand!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

Our newsroom depends on a growing audience of readers to power our journalism. If you are not a paid reader, please consider becoming a subscriber.

Our newsroom depends on its audience of readers to power our journalism. Thank you for your support.

Report Error Submit a Tip

More Stories

Today’s horoscope

Georgia Nicols 4 minute read Preview

Today’s horoscope

Georgia Nicols 4 minute read 2:00 AM CDT

MOON ALERT: Caution! Avoid shopping (except food and gas) and major decisions all day until 7:30 p.m. After that, the moon moves from Virgo into Libra.

ARIES (March 21-April 19)

Be careful, because most of this day is a moon alert, which can promote creative, outside-of-the-box thinking. However, it can also promote unrealistic, crazy decisions. Write down your imaginative ideas. Don’t act until the moon alert is over. (See above.)

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

Read
2:00 AM CDT

Opening of Bruce Oake Treatment Centre is 'not the finish line, it's the start

Kevin Rollason   5 minute read Preview

Opening of Bruce Oake Treatment Centre is 'not the finish line, it's the start

Kevin Rollason   5 minute read Tuesday, May. 11, 2021

The COVID-19 pandemic has been responsible for postponing or cancelling all kinds of projects, but it didn’t affect construction of the Bruce Oake Treatment Centre, which will be finished months before the planned fall opening.

Read
Tuesday, May. 11, 2021

Glimmer of hope amid skyrocketing COVID-19 cases

Katie May 5 minute read Preview

Glimmer of hope amid skyrocketing COVID-19 cases

Katie May 5 minute read Monday, May. 10, 2021

As Manitoba's COVID-19 infection rates reach some of their highest yet, with more than 2,000 new cases recorded over the past four days, the pace of the vaccine rollout is offering a glimmer of hope that the province is in a better position now compared with last fall.

Dr. Brent Roussin, Manitoba's chief provincial public health officer, said Monday it's too soon to say if restrictions would be loosened when public health orders expire at the end of the month. The orders, which came into effect Sunday, are the strictest measures Manitoba has had since second-wave lockdown restrictions were lifted in February.

"We are considering a significant amount of Manitobans protected by the end of May, so we really wanted to have that opportunity to review things very closely, see if there's any chances to loosen some of these restrictions at that point," Roussin said.

For the third day since Friday, Manitoba recorded more than 500 new cases of COVID-19 — matching the province’s third-highest daily case count since the beginning of the pandemic. Another grim milestone is on the horizon as the province's death toll from the virus rose to 997, with four more deaths announced Monday.

Read
Monday, May. 10, 2021

Fish will need to reel off two more wins at home

Mike McIntyre 4 minute read Preview

Fish will need to reel off two more wins at home

Mike McIntyre 4 minute read Wednesday, Sep. 9, 2026

THE ace did his part on the mound, save for a couple of costly mistakes.

Unfortunately for the Winnipeg Goldeyes and starting pitcher Landen Bourassa, a normally red-hot offence picked a bad time to go ice cold.

The end result was a 5-1 loss Wednesday night in North Dakota to the Fargo-Moorhead RedHawks, a defeat that quickly put the Fish on the brink of playoff elimination.

Winnipeg trails the best-of-three first-round series 1-0 and will now have to rattle off two straight victories to keep its season alive.

Read
Wednesday, Sep. 9, 2026

Jets goalie a worthy Masterton candidate

Mike McIntyre 8 minute read Preview

Jets goalie a worthy Masterton candidate

Mike McIntyre 8 minute read Monday, May. 10, 2021

Winnipegger Bill Masterton was just 38 games into his NHL career when he suffered a devastating head injury in a January 1968 game. The Minnesota North Stars forward died in hospital two days later at the age of 29, the only player in league history to lose his life as a direct result of an on-ice incident.

Masterton's legacy in the sport is two-fold. First, his tragic passing sparked a debate about helmets which eventually led to them becoming compulsory. Secondly, the NHL immediately introduced an award in his honour, given annually to the player who best exemplifies the qualities of perseverance, sportsmanship and dedication to hockey.

It may not carry the same prestige as the Hart, Norris, Vezina and Calder, but the Masterton is no less distinguished given what it represents. Bobby Ryan won it last year, working his way back after taking a leave to deal with alcohol abuse. Robin Lehner earned it the year before, speaking out publicly about his battle with mental illness.

Local chapters of the Professional Hockey Writers' Association, of which I am a member, nominate a player in all 31 NHL markets, then vote on the entire field to determine the eventual winner. When it came to picking a member of the Winnipeg Jets organization this year, I kept coming back to one name. I was pleased my colleagues saw it the same way and Eric Comrie is getting the recognition he richly deserves.

Read
Monday, May. 10, 2021

Humane Society urges revamp of rules to curb irresponsible pet ownership

Joyanne Pursaga 5 minute read Preview

Humane Society urges revamp of rules to curb irresponsible pet ownership

Joyanne Pursaga 5 minute read Monday, May. 10, 2021

Winnipeg is being lobbied to add strict new limits to its responsible pet ownership bylaw to reduce what some deem a pet “overpopulation.”

A city committee took a step toward studying some of those ideas on Monday.

Jonas Watson, chairman of the Winnipeg Humane Society, told council’s protection and community services committee that too many unwanted or improperly cared-for pets place “a never-ending strain on animal shelters and rescue organizations.”

“One of the most tragic consequences of pet overpopulation is the inevitable euthanasia of unadoptable animals,” Watson told the committee.

Read
Monday, May. 10, 2021