Don’t let troubling lake liquor problem linger

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This article was published 31/07/2024 (745 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new wife threw a six-pack of eggs at me this morning — and they splattered all over the wall and counters! She was drunk before noon (breaking her cottage record) and now she’s scaring me. The original plan was to be up here at the cabin all summer, with both of us working remotely. Now I’m really feeling sick and worried.

I didn’t realize my wife could drink all day. I recently discovered she puts a finger of gin in her morning orange juice — when I was sleepy and drank her glass by mistake. Yuck.

At lunchtime she’s been inviting different lake girlfriends over, to feed them and pour everybody “lunch drinkies.” These friends toddle home at 1:30 p.m., she takes a sleep-it-off break, then gets up and works three hours remotely. Then she’s off in my boat attending the happy-hour drinking parties at different friends’ cabins. I won’t go, anymore.

She comes home in the boat “tipsy,” and throws on burgers and steaks while holding onto a champagne glass with hard liquor in it. Evening drinking parties proceed on different cottage decks, so she takes off again in the boat.

I think my wife is drinking most of a bottle of hard liquor every day. I found her supply under a bed. What should I do? I desperately want to get her out of this party atmosphere and back home to work from our house in the city. She said she will be “beyond angry” if I pull the plug on our summer at the lake, and now we’re barely speaking. I don’t think our new marriage can last. Please help.

— Disgusted and Worried, Whiteshell

Dear Disgusted and Worried: For everyone’s safety, definitely pull the plug early on this summer stay at the lake — particularly since your wife is drunk-driving in your boat. It’s time to ask her point-blank to stop drinking, for her sake and for your marriage.

She’s likely to resist. The only requirement for Alcoholics Anonymous membership is “a desire to quit drinking,” but she may not feel that way. Still, place the local AA contact info (aamanitoba.org) in her hands, even though she may throw it away.

As for yourself, get in touch with Al-Anon (al-anon.org), the organization for the family and friends of alcoholics, and ask for specific help and direction in dealing with your wife’s drinking. No matter what she says or does, continue with Al-Anon meetings and counselling for your own well-being.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband of many years and I finally decided to call it quits. Whew! We agreed that I’d keep the family home, if I leave his pension alone. Well, it has been six months, and he’s still living in the guest bedroom. I want him to leave so I can get on with my life, but he hasn’t even started looking for another place.

He’ll go to his mother’s home for a few days, then a friends’ place, and come back here to our home. It feels like “the long goodbye.“

We have adult children who want us to work things out and stay together forever, so they are no help with getting their father to move out. I just want him gone! What can I do to get him to finally move out?

— No Movement, East Kildonan

Dear Movement: Your husband may think you’re not 100 per cent sure you need to divorce him, or you would have made a stronger countermove already. Clearly, your husband feels the family home is his, just as much as yours, at this point.

As long as there isn’t a whisper of getting a lawyer involved, your husband will keep on doing this, with the kids quietly cheering him on. If you’re serious, hire a good divorce lawyer now, and move forward more forcefully.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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