Time with grandparents will let you process change

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 14/06/2024 (836 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Mom took me and left my dad, right after Christmas. He was cheating on her again, so she moved us back into a small apartment “to get her act together.” Right after Valentine’s Day, she shocked everybody including me, and came out as a lesbian.

A few days later, she introduced her girlfriend to me — too fast! I’m still in shock after watching them on a Pride float in the big parade. My life is whirling out of control!

Today, Grandpa — my mom’s dad — actually phoned and begged my father: “Take your wife and child back, and make things right again.” Ha! What does Grandpa know? He’s so behind the times.

Mom says she is making a new life, and finally going after what she wants and no one can stop her. But what about me? Today my grandparents asked me if I’d like to stay with them for the summer holidays. What do you think? I’m just so badly mixed up!

— Lonely and Terribly Upset, Winnipeg

Dear Lonely and Upset: While your grandparents may seem old-fashioned to you, they could be the perfect answer right now. They can focus on you and give you the great love they have always felt for you, and even more so now! They will not be dividing their attention between you and any new love partners.

Stay with the grandparents for a bit, and get yourself steady. Tell your mom you need to see a counsellor, so you can get your own life back together before school next fall. It’s a reasonable request, and it will help you in many ways to get some good help this summer.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I secretly rented a cottage at a beautiful lake as a place to take my wife of five years as a surprise. She’s been talking about “the boredom factor” in our predicable lives, so I’m really trying to make things exciting. I love this woman so much! The problem is I’m shy, and not much of a talker.

I’m wondering this: Should I organize a bigger party so my lady doesn’t want to go home early, like the last time we took a holiday together?

— Boring Husband, Steinbach

Dear Husband: The winning role for you is ‘party organizer’ and provider of everything needed for your wife and invited guests’ fun. First, research the area for things to do away from the cabin. Look up the best beach areas, golf courses, tourist sites and little shopping areas. Make lists for people to email them before they come, so they know what clothes and equipment to bring. That will create the first excitement for them.

Then pack board games, including some brand new ones, as well as playing cards for a tournament — great fun, especially if it rains. And don’t forget to bring a bunch of fun prizes. Talk about a fun host! Look in the mirror, my friend. That will be you!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Maybe the granny who wrote you, with the body that just won’t quit (who pushes away her daughters to go out with sexual playmates), needs a little reminder that one fine day her youthfulness, energy and carnality will be all but gone. She might need assistance and attention from those daughters she doesn’t want to bother with.

Her daughters may not be anxious to play the traditional role of responsible, attentive, care-giving adult children for this selfish old woman. They might say, “Off to a nursing home with you, Mom! We’re too busy to look in on you.”

— Sincerely Unimpressed, Manitoba

Dear Sincerely Unimpressed: Not every mother is motherly — a sad situation for their kids, at any age. Not surprisingly, it’s often teens who were pressed into service as substitute cooks and caregivers of their own siblings who are dying to kick up their heels once they get out of the house. They aren’t at all happy at the prospect of more motherhood and “babysitting” of people of any age.

Could that have been Granny’s case? Bet on it! Not that it excuses the way she’s acted towards her daughters, rejecting them so she can go out and “play” now. That’s still harsh, and she may live to regret it!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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