Free as can be

Katelyn Sawatzky founded Childfree Winnipeg Women in 2021 to bring together women who don’t have kids — be it by choice or circumstance — and do not plan on raising children.

The group is designed to help them share experiences and build meaningful friendships.

The community welcomes cisgender, straight, transgender, bisexual and lesbian women. Parents, including empty nesters and men, are turned away.

“Our group is a safe space where women can hang out with other women without being asked when you’re going to have kids or why you don’t have kids … where you don’t feel like you have to validate or defend your choices in any way, because everyone gets it,” Sawatzky says.

The realization that she didn’t want to have children came to Sawatzky more than a decade ago. After getting married, she assumed the desire to be a mother would simply occur.

“But I realized I didn’t want to be a mom … to be pregnant, to have a child. After a lot of soul-searching, I gave myself the permission to not want motherhood,” she says, adding that afterwards she felt as if a giant weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

In her own friendship circle, nobody was making the same choices. A rarity — “I felt a little like a unicorn” — she started searching online for like-minded individuals, checking social networking and event platform Meetup to see if anyone had started a local child-free group. At the time there wasn’t one, so she took matters into her own hands, planning monthly events on Meetup.

The group’s first meeting, an online pyjama party in May 2021, took place in the thick of COVID-19 restrictions. As regulations eased, members ventured outside, first to Assiniboine Park in June, then outdoors at The Forks in July.

“It wasn’t until August, when we started meeting twice a month consistently, that the group really took off,” she says.

There are currently 55 women in the community who regularly meet for coffee, game nights, potlucks, karaoke and dinner, among other things.

“How they’ve arrived at us varies,” Sawatzky explains. “There are some women in the group who are like, ‘No kids for me, remove my tubes, and some who really wanted children but it’s not going to happen and they’re really sad about it. There’s a wide variety of circumstances.”

In most cultures, motherhood is viewed as a natural progression for adult women. It’s that invisible checklist: finish school, get a job, get married, buy a house and have some kids. Women who don’t conform are viewed as an anomaly, as if their purpose in life is tied to the fruit of their wombs.

Men, on the other hand, face no such interrogation. Rarely is a man cornered by an inquisitive relative during a family event and harangued about why he has not produced an heir.

“Men don’t have to go through the same level of societal expectation to have children. It’s like if you’re a woman, there’s one way to do womanhood, but there are as many ways to do womanhood as there are women,” Sawatzky says.

Cecilia Davies, 39, joined the community in June 2024 after she found it increasingly difficult to find connections with other women who were not parents.

“A lot of social connections for women 25 years and older revolve around parenting and family life, which, when you have chosen not to have children, is hard to participate in,” Davies says. “I thought it would be really nice to meet other women who also made the same choice.”

She attends as often as her schedule allows.

“For me, the main thing is feeling like I’ve found my people,” she says. “There can be a lot of societal and family expectations around having children — the idea that it’s simply the next step everyone is supposed to take. Having a community where you can openly talk about those feelings, hear from women at different stages of life and see that there are many different ways to build a happy and fulfilling life, can be incredibly reassuring.”

Melanie Chubaty, 41, joined Childfree Winnipeg Women in March to build genuine friend connections. She says the other members have welcomed her, making her feel comfortable and included.

“I love that this community brings together women of different ages and backgrounds. Making friends as an adult can be surprisingly tough. I live alone and don’t have kids so finding that sense of connection and belonging can sometimes be challenging,” she says.

“There’s something really special about connecting with like-minded women, having some laughs, getting out of our comfort zones and hopefully building genuine friendships along the way.”

Five years down the line after founding the group, Sawatzky says it’s the best thing she’s ever done.

“This group is like my baby. If you asked me what I would be most proud of in my life, it would be creating a community for women who didn’t really have one before.”

av.kitching@winnipegfreepress.com