Ticked off by Trump’s tantrums

U.S. President Donald Trump recently threatened tariffs on Canadian products for the wildfire smoke that wafts across the border.

We have failed to manage our forests properly, he says, causing the smoke choking America’s big cities. And many of his Republican colleagues have joined the chorus, demanding sanctions against Canada for our unneighbourly behaviour. We north of the border should all be outdoors, rakes in hand, to clear combustible debris from our forest floors. Quite right.

Canada is missing a major economic opportunity. Just imagine an army of rake-equipped forestry workers. What a boost to rake manufacturers!

Canada’s boreal forest is only 2.7 million square kilometres. If we gave each Canadian, including infants and the elderly, a rake, each would only have to clear 6.6 hectares (about 16 acres). Piece of cake! Many, of course, would be raking the more than two-thirds of remote boreal forest without road access. This would boost the employment of highly trained search and rescue workers!

Mr. Trump is correct. This is a massive failure of Canada’s forest management.

Those suggesting that wildfires are the product of climate change and that America has been the globe’s greatest offender, contributing more than any other nation to the planet-heating greenhouse gas emissions since the industrial revolution, are clearly deluded and in the thrall of the climate hoax.

Mr. Trump, in yet another bout of caprice, recently proposed 50 per cent tariffs on a variety of Canadian products, this time for discriminating against American products. The tariffs would include hockey sticks (ouch), wigs and false beards (?), furniture, clothing, plywood, particle board, cement and more.

But in the spirit of generosity, he exempted crude oil, natural gas, potash and critical minerals, from tariffs.

This brings us to the burning issue.

And not forests. Ticks.

American ticks are invading Canada. They bring with them a host of diseases and they include the dreaded lone star tick. It is a vector for tularemia (ulcers on the skin and in the mouth; pneumonia-like symptoms), Ehrlichiosis (causing respiratory, gastrological and neurological symptoms that can be life-threatening), and Alpha-Gal Syndrome. This last one is the biggie. It can cause allergic reactions to red meat.

These ticks pose a clear and present danger to Canada’s beef industry.

Make no mistake. These are Mr. Trump’s ticks.

He is failing to prevent this tick exodus across America’s northern border. He needs to beef up border security. This will require a phalanx of border guards, ICE agents, members of the national guard, pest control workers and entomologists to prevent tick egress. All would be equipped with magnifying glasses and cans of Raid to intercept these dread arachnids before they establish illicit Canadian residency.

This is a massive failure of tick management.

It cannot go unpunished and justifies the imposition of tariffs and export taxes.

We need to start with tariffs on American beef to protect our cattle ranchers. If people can’t eat beef, how will ranchers survive? Then hockey sticks. A tariff on American right-handed hockey sticks. In Canada it’s okay to shoot left.

We could tariff American booze but that would probably have little effect.

Then we turn to energy. Mr. Trump has said repeatedly he doesn’t need anything from Canada. So, he won’t mind, then, export taxes on Canadian oil and gas. Never mind that roughly one-third of America’s domestic gas and diesel production comes from refineries specially-built to process Canada’s cheap heavy crude. And that these imports allow the U.S. to export their more valuable light crude to international markets, a bonanza for Mr. Trump’s oil baron cronies.

America can easily do without, especially in the midst of Mr. Trump’s Middle East conflict that is strangling oil supplies. Gas north of $5 a gallon, long lineups at filling stations and more expensive groceries will be sure to help Mr. Trump’s Republican party in the fast-approaching midterm elections.

Restricting the export of electricity to the U.S. from Quebec, Ontario, Manitoba and B.C. would be next. As Trump has said, he doesn’t need anything from Canada. They can burn candles.

Outright bans on critical mineral exports, needed for the advanced electronics that are especially important to weapons systems (who needs those?) would seem appropriate. Canada provides 20 per cent of America’s supply. Canada also supplies approximately 90 per cent of America’s potash, essential for fertilizer production. Patriotic American farmers would be happy to do without.

If Mr. Trump isn’t prepared to step up and better manage his ticks, he’s just blowing smoke.

Scott Forbes is an ecologist at the University of Winnipeg. He hates ticks.