Couple claustrophobia a common concern

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This article was published 24/07/2024 (798 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I went to a lodge with my husband for a week, but we came home early after squabbling for four days and four nights.

We barely see each other at home during the week in town because we both work overtime at our jobs and (in the summer) volunteer at festivals.

What’s the matter with us that we only love each other when we’re too busy to actually spend time to do anything more than come home, eat dinner, have great sex and sleep cuddled up?

— Only Happy Busy, Westwood

Dear Only Happy Busy: So what if you can’t stand being with each other 24-7 on a holiday? Holidays for two aren’t for everyone and you aren’t the first otherwise happy couple to feel this way. The good news is there’s no need to break up over this miserable time you just had.

Some people simply miss the mental stimulation and challenges of being with a group of friends or co-workers. That doesn’t mean they love those people more and prefer them to you.

So, experiment with this: go back to being busy people at work and (hopefully) happy lovers at night — and let things settle back into a good situation again.

Then, the next time you feel an urge to have a holiday together, experiment by flying to a concert in a different city with a group.

You could also try going somewhere such as Las Vegas with some friends for entertainment and perhaps a little gambling, and come home after four days. That’s probably your max time, for now.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My ex-boyfriend is back in Winnipeg for the summer until the end of August. I heard through the grapevine he was here and I prayed I wouldn’t run into him because if I did I knew I’d slap him across the face for what he did to me before he left.

I spotted him at the folk festival. I ran up behind him and grabbed him by his ponytail and yanked it hard.

He turned around — but it wasn’t him. It was a guy who looked exactly like him from the back.

I was mortified, and so was he. I yelled out, “I’m sorry. I thought you were somebody else!” and ran away and hid. The thing is I can’t get over this. I’m really sorry and I owe this man an explanation.

— Hurt a Stranger, West Kildonan

Dear Hurt a Stranger: You need to know that this poor man who doesn’t know you, and certainly doesn’t want to see you again, thinks the woman who pulled his ponytail was a bit strange, but it is a festival and he likely put it behind him quickly and went on with his evening. Lots of crazy things happen at festivals.

It’s you who is still disturbed about the incident and you who needs to ease your embarrassment, but that’s not going to come from this man who is a total stranger and long gone.

To make up for it in your own mind, discuss what you did with a friend and figure out what you can do to get past this issue. You may want to write out an apology and read it out loud to them.

Sometimes symbolic gestures can turn out to be enough to ease discomfort when you know real communication would not be welcome or even possible.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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