Gramps out of step with workplace conduct

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 12/07/2023 (1181 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My ultimate boss at the office is my grandfather — and the man will be there until the day he dies. And after, as he says he wants to be buried in the parking lot!

He’s a real problem sometimes. Lately, he has an embarrassing crush. He’s started teasing this new person I hired — a middle manager — and she’s not putting up with his nonsense. In fact, she told him to “Lay off, old man!” right to his face. He loves her spunk, and will respond with a salute, and say stupid things like, “Yes, ma’am!” My dad pointed out today that she’s kind of like a younger version of the feisty, late wife he adored.

Gramps talked to me the other day after he’d been bugging this woman and said, “She’s a real firecracker — won’t put up with anything from me!” His 52-year-old son – my dad — also works in the manager’s office here. He heard that remark, and said, “Someday, a woman is going to take you to court, old man!”

Gramps just hooted, and yelled back, “Let ’em! I could do with a day in court!” I don’t know how to react. I learned to be respectful to women from my mother. Should I apologize to this young employee, or maybe infer that my grandfather is losing his marbles and just can’t help it?

— Embarrassed Grandson, Winnipeg

Dear Embarrassed: Ask this woman to report back to you if she gets more nonsense from Gramps, but don’t lie about his state of mind. Instead, say she has full permission from management to let him have it and it won’t jeopardize her job. Tell her that Grandad needs some updating on how to treat women in the year 2023 and have a private word with him, along with your dad. He may actually force himself to listen, if he wants this female employee to stick around. In a way, she may haul him kicking and cursing into the modern world.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Is it wrong that my husband is having an affair and I just don’t care? Between looking after a toddler and a small baby, making meals and cleaning a home, I just don’t have a moment to myself, let alone time for my husband’s needs.

I’ve begged him, in tears, to please help me out. His response? “I work all day, and that’s my job. You’re at home all day. That’s your job.” When he does come home, he puts his feet up and spends his time “recharging.” When do I have a second to recharge? Never!

So yes, I found out he’s been cheating and, to be honest, he’s just one thing off my to-do list. I have no family or friends here, as we moved to Winnipeg for his career, leaving any support I had behind. I really don’t want him as my husband anymore, but if we split up, there’s no way I can keep the house. It will bring a whole new set of problems.

I know this is going to end up badly. My mother is flying in to visit soon. What to do? Should I tell her what’s happening?

— Losing on All Fronts, Bridgwater

Dear Losing: You may be treading water right now, but that situation could improve suddenly. Be honest with both your parents, before Mom flies in. Enlighten them on what’s really happening, and don’t omit your husband’s affair.

Since he has another woman, and you have no one here in Winnipeg — not even friends — you may find you want to take the kids and move home. And, as your husband is no longer sympathetic towards you and already has another woman, he may be less upset by that kind of move than you’d expect. However, there is the possibility he may be horrified and upset, and do everything he can to keep you and the children here in Winnipeg.

Your parents may be able to help you out financially, and take some of the immediate pressure off with some child-care help and money for counselling, but they need to be able to discuss different ways to offer you help, before Mama arrives. Your father may also want to fly in and join her, to make a show of strength.

Right now your husband feels like he’s the boss, and thinks you just have to take what he deals out. After your parents show up with knowledge of the affair, and they’ve seen to it you have a good lawyer and an alternative place to live here in Winnipeg or back home, your husband’s scornful attitude is likely to change.

He may be relieved to be able to break off the marriage and go off with his new girlfriend, but that’s only if she’ll have him! He may not be that important to her and she may prefer the role of “the other woman.”

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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