Danger of saying ‘We’re like a family’ at work

“He’s my work husband,” she said, and everyone in the office laughed.

We all know what she meant. That colleague who always has your back when deadlines hit, who remembers your coffee order, who celebrates even the small wins with you. Funny, harmless, relatable.

But when leaders start calling the entire organization a “family,” the joke stops being funny. Comparing a workplace to a family may sound warm and caring, but it is often uncomfortable for employees and, frankly, just not true.

It’s easy to see why leaders use the metaphor. Family evokes warmth, loyalty and support. On the surface, it feels like a compliment. Who wouldn’t want to work somewhere that feels like home?

But not everyone has good experiences with family and it can also create pressure. In a family, obligations are often unconditional. We love our relatives, but we also tolerate quirks and accept responsibilities we might not otherwise choose.

Comparing work to family risks asking employees to do the same: accept long hours, overlook poor treatment or shoulder emotional labour and not feel able to complain.

Workplaces and families are fundamentally different. Families exist for emotional support and survival. Workplaces exist to produce results, serve clients and sustain a business.

In families, roles are fluid and shaped by history and affection. In organizations, roles are contractual, defined by policies, expectations and agreements.

When leaders blur that line, it can create guilt when employees set boundaries, take personal time or move on to other opportunities. Loyalty in business should be earned and mutual, not assumed or demanded under the guise of pretend familial connection.

There’s another danger: calling a workplace a family can be manipulative.

Leaders sometimes use this language to inspire loyalty without addressing the actual needs of their employees. If people are supported, treated fairly and recognized for their work, loyalty comes naturally. Employees can tell the difference between genuine care and sentimental rhetoric. Overusing family language risks fostering cynicism rather than commitment.

It can also reinforce outdated hierarchies. Families often operate with parents and children, elders and dependents. Using that metaphor in a professional setting risks positioning leaders as authority figures and employees as subordinates rather than respected colleagues.

Today’s employees want autonomy, professionalism and trust. They want collaboration — not emotional parenting disguised as culture.

A workplace can still feel supportive without pretending it is a family. Trust, recognition, open communication and fair policies create real connection far more effectively than metaphor. Team members can feel valued and included while maintaining clear professional boundaries. Culture is built on action, not sentiment.

Family metaphors also ignore diversity in employee experience. Some people thrive in structured, professional environments. Others value mentorship and social connection. Assuming everyone wants a family-like experience overlooks the individuality of employees. Respecting boundaries and professional needs go further than idealized visions of unity or unconditional loyalty.

The metaphor can even create guilt when employees make normal career decisions. Leaving for a better opportunity should be natural but being told you are “part of the family” makes departure feel like betrayal. Loyalty should never be enforced. It is earned through fairness, respect, and mutual trust, not by calling people brothers and sisters in the break room.

Ultimately, workplaces succeed because of professionalism, clarity and respect. Leaders can build connection and engagement without family language. Supporting employees, listening to feedback, recognizing contributions and fostering development are enough to inspire loyalty. Sentimental metaphors are not required, and they often backfire.

Next time a leader feels tempted to say, “We are a family here” — pause.

A joke about a work spouse is funny because it is light, informal, and obviously playful. Calling a workplace a family is none of those things. It can create discomfort, unrealistic expectations and blurred boundaries. Leaders can care for their teams without pretending work is home.

Work is work. People are people. Loyalty is earned. Respect is mutual. Boundaries matter. You do not need to be a family to care about your team. You just need to care.

That is more than enough.

Tory McNally, CPHR, BSc., vice-president, professional services at TIPI Legacy HR+, is a human resource consultant, strategic thinker and problem solver. She can be reached at tmcnally@tipipartners.com