Spiritual directors offer solace to those in need

Does God feel far away? Does your spiritual life feel flat? Is your prayer life unsatisfying? Or maybe things are going well, but you just want to feel closer to God or the divine in your life.

If that describes your situation, you might want to consider meeting with a spiritual director.

Spiritual direction is a practice where a trained guide helps people enter into a deeper relationship with God — however they describe God — in order to grow spiritually. It’s like having a spiritual mentor and companion.

Through spiritual direction, people can become more aware of God’s movement in their lives, and how they can respond to the promptings of the spirit. The goal is not to solve problems, but to hear what God might be saying — in good times, and also in times of crisis.

Here in Manitoba, there are 16 people listed on the Spiritual Directors of Manitoba website, all of whom have taken training in the area and subscribe to the guidelines for ethical conduct created by Spiritual Directors International. I spoke with three of them recently about their work: Kalyn Falk, Angeline Schellenberg and Bob Dueck.

“Spiritual direction is about listening,” said Dueck, who comes from a Mennonite and Anglican background. “It’s a ministry of listening.”

For him, spiritual directors are mediators between people and their perception of God. “I’m mediating a relationship between whoever has come for spiritual direction, and their perception of the divine,” he said.

Falk, whose roots are Anabaptist and is informed by contemplative Christianity, agreed. It’s not about giving advice, but about helping people restore a connection to who or what they believe.

Spiritual directors, she said, have a “generous and expansive view of faith … we’re not tied to a set of beliefs. We meet people where they are.”

Schellenberg is a practicing Anglican with a Mennonite background. “There are no right or wrong answers in spiritual direction,” she said. “I sit with someone in their pain without needing to fix it. And often that’s what people need.”

The people who sign up for sessions come from a variety of backgrounds and walks of life, they said. This includes clergy, who often need someone to talk to outside of their congregations and denominations. “We are a disinterested third party,” said Dueck.

Falk also meets with members of the LGBTTQ+ community who need a safe space to talk about spirituality and their relationship with God — something they can’t always find in their local place of worship or with their pastor.

Another segment of the population showing interest are those who attend churches where questioning faith isn’t welcomed. “They have questions, but they don’t know where to go with them,” said Dueck.

During sessions, “people are allowed to say if they are really angry at or disappointed by God. They can ask questions. We can meet them in their anger and disbelief,” said Falk.

Sometimes, the people who come have no faith background at all and aren’t part of a congregation — but they feel a need to talk about God or a higher purpose in life. “They need someone to be present and listen,” said Schellenberg.

People also call on spiritual directors because of a crisis or a major shift in life, such as a death in the family, divorce, loss of a job or retirement. But others come when things are going well, treating it as a way to do a spiritual tune-up as they take time to intentionally reflect on their lives.

All three said spiritual direction doesn’t replace psychotherapy. But, they noted, sometimes therapists aren’t attuned to the spiritual side of things. “What’s broken and needs to be fixed can be part of a bigger story that involves spirituality,” Falk said. “We can assist with that bigger orbit and help integrate the parts.”

People who engage in spiritual direction usually meet with a spiritual director once a month for an hour. A typical session involves inviting God into the conversation, maybe lighting a candle, then a conversation. The session often ends with a blessing.

Spiritual directors charge between $60 to $80 per session. Spiritual direction is often not covered by insurance.

Of her role as a spiritual director, Falk referenced the story of the sick man in the Gospel accounts who is lowered through the roof of a house by his friends so he can meet and be healed by Jesus.

Spiritual directors, she said, are not in charge of healing.

“But we can lower people down into God’s presence and help them ask for healing. Our job is to help make the hole in the roof, put people on a stretcher, lower them down and trust that God can heal.”

The Spiritual Directors of Manitoba website can be found at https://spiritualdirectors.ca

faith@freepress.mb.ca

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