Father-daughter relationship offers love amid chaos

In a time when the patriarchy is often condemned, it’s interesting to read a memoir that challenges the matriarchy.

Dreamer’s Daughter: Surviving My Childhood and Raising My Father is Lori Thicke’s first book. It’s an entertaining but not necessarily quick read, as the subject matter can result in re-reading passages to counteract one’s disbelief. It’s the implausibly true and lovingly told memoir of how the author grew up.

Thicke was born in Toronto and raised (in part) in Kirkland Lake, Ont. She has an MFA in creative writing from the University of British Columbia and received the CBC Writing Prize for “exceptional promise.” She currently lives in the south of France.

Thicke’s chronicle of family life flips the notion of parenthood on its head, exposing the hard truth that not all women are meant for motherhood. When she was 10 and her brother five, they were abandoned by their mother. With father Dacker Thicke left to be the sole provider, the family unit shifted into his free-spirited and wildly unorthodox orbit. Thicke and her brother may not have known where they would live next week or next month, but they knew they were loved.

Even with recollections of financial instability and questionable parenting, Thicke’s love for her father shines through, giving this potentially dark chronicle an unexpected lightness. When she was 10, her dad worked elsewhere during the week and came home on weekends. “Butterflies of excitement danced in my stomach at the thought of seeing my father again. One week apart from him was like a year,” she writes.

Dreamer’s Daughter has thick layers of authenticity and raw emotion that cut far beneath the surface. It’s filled with mistakes and experiences that belie the increasingly curated world we live in. The author’s unfiltered childhood memories reveal so much about the roles she played: big sister, awkward teenager and pseudo-adult who spent an inordinate amount of time supporting her father’s schemes — including offering him shelter when he had none.

With a wealth of compassion for her family, Thicke’s self-awareness (as a child, teenager and adult) are laid bare. Normal teenage angst in the 1970s, paired with her father’s unconventional parenting style, set the stage for some worrisome teenage behaviour. Her father’s love was unconditional, but it was also careless. “(It) felt like permission to do anything,” says the author.

The lack of rules fed Thicke’s creative spirit, and she knew from an early age she wanted to be a writer. Adult hindsight mixed with adolescent angst make for some powerful passages in Dreamer’s Daughter. “I didn’t realize at the time that there were two competing stories going on in my head — one forged by my mother’s leaving, the other by my father‘s staying. One said I wasn’t worth much; the other said, I was worth everything.”

Another meaningful section involves Thicke’s dear friend Maxine, who she met in university; they shared each other’s journals written as teenagers, revealing their vulnerabilities. “Maxine saw my contradictions: the confidence of a fiercely loved daughter, and the insecurity of an abandoned child. She seemed to like me anyway.”

Dreamer’s Daughter is a beautifully written and forgiving love letter to an unconventional parent who, despite himself, managed to instil a firm sense of confidence in pursuing one’s own dreams. There’s a lot of love amid the chaos.

Deborah Bowers is a marketing and communications professional who appreciates that the most interesting stories — and people — colour way outside the lines.