Make it non-negotiable

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 08/06/2019 (2340 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

I want to talk about a strategy you can use to multiply results in any area of life, but this is a fitness column, so we’ll stick with that theme.

You need to set up some non-negotiable rules in your routine. For example, this column I write is one of mine.

Every day, right after I make a cup of coffee, I power through 30 minutes of writing before the kids wake up. Sometimes it’s this article, other times it’s an email to my clients or the other 3,000 people who signed up for my content.

I get my clients to set up non-negotiable rules to support their weight-loss goals. It minimizes internal negotiations that usually lead to failure: “I know I said I was going to exercise today, but I just don’t feel like it. I’ll do something tomorrow.”

One of the most important things non-negotiables do is minimize your reliance on willpower. For example, some of my personal non-negotiables are: four weightlifting workouts per week; a serving of protein and greens with every sit-down meal; and minimum 12-hour overnight fast.

I know my identity is linked to these, so they become automatic and less of an internal negotiation to get done.

You ultimately need to earn credibility with yourself and follow through. Non-negotiables are things you must do, no matter what.

You are the dictator of your life. No one else should be in control of your choices when it comes to eating and exercise. You’ve got to prove to yourself that when you say you’re going to do something, you do it.

Joe stopped snacking himself to death

My client Joe quit eating chips on March 1.

His non-negotiable was to stop snacking late at night. Joe’s new mindset became “I am not the type of person who stays up late and snacks on junk food.”

This is a strategy James Clear discusses in his book Atomic Habits.

Humans like to act in alignment with the type of people we believe ourselves to be.

What you show up and do every day is how you see yourself.

By that logic, if you change your bad habits to good ones and adopt the identity of a fit person, you change the way you see yourself and your good behaviour becomes more automatic.

When I first chatted with Joe, I asked him what was the biggest obstacle standing in the way of him losing the weight he wanted.

“Definitely the few hours after the kids are in bed. Idle time in front of the TV. It habitually involves beer and chips.”

So, in order to make his journey a success, he had to sacrifice that ritual and replace it with a good habit.

Now he must watch the first half hour of TV on his exercise bike or go for a walk outside instead.

The beer and chips don’t seem as enticing once he’s gotten some endorphins flowing and made a positive choice for himself.

The wake-up call that changed my life

Let me tell you a story about me, circa 2004, that brings this full circle.

Like yourself, I knew what to do to change my body.

But I wasn’t doing it. I was making excuses about my eating habits. I was blaming my genetics. I was just reinforcing my bad habits in a negative feedback loop and getting heavier and more frustrated with each passing month.

It wasn’t until I jumped on the scale and saw the number 260 that it sunk in. I finally said enough is enough. I stared at myself in the mirror and got real that morning. I pointed at myself and said, “This ends now.”

There’s no use sugar-coating it. But awareness is not enough. Commitment and action must follow suit.

So, I took an honest look at my lifestyle and realized I’d need to make some sweeping changes.

I’d have to model success and live the way the “ideal Mitch” would live before I believed I was capable.

Would the ideal version of myself stay up late playing video games, skip workouts and eat junk food?

Rarely, if ever.

As author Jim Rohn said, “We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.”

I chose the pain of discipline that day. Sure, I slip up and sleep in or eat junk sometimes, but it’s fewer and farther between, knowing how positive an effect discipline has had in my life.

So, now you have an idea of the non-negotiables you must implement for positive change, but you need a foundation to build them upon.

Remember why you started

You need to have a strong reason to change your identity or none of these habits will last.

For my 20-something self back in 2004, that was to gain confidence so I could go after the life I wanted.

For one client — he weighed more than 300 pounds and had tried countless times to lose the weight, with little success — it kept going the wrong direction.

But one day, his wife unexpectedly gave him some big news: she was pregnant. That was his big why. He knew things would be different this time because he wasn’t taking no for an answer. He lost more than 100 pounds and became the fit dad he envisioned becoming.

Truthfully, it’s often better to do things for others than ourselves and not make the goal event-based. Once you reach your milestone (i.e. wedding), the focus will drift away and old habits may return.

Focus on becoming the type of person who accomplishes the milestones you want, not the milestones themselves. The identity shift is where the magic happens.

Once you have a powerful reason for change fuelled by a handful of non-negotiable habits written in stone, everything in your life becomes easier and your goals will be within reach.

Your turn: What are your non-negotiables?

Again, the key here is to identify the most important habits and activities that will have a positive effect on your fitness goals.

For example, your list of non-negotiables might look fairly simple to start, such as:

• You will wake up at 6 a.m. to get a 30-minute walk in every morning

• You will go to the gym three times a week

• You will always prepare a homemade lunch and avoid takeout at work

Now, it’s all well and good to get these down in writing, but if they aren’t front of mind every day and you aren’t accountable for following through, they won’t stick.

Can you think of a person who you can share these with? Someone who will hold you to your commitments?

Even better, take it a step further and determine a consequence or penalty to pay if you fail to meet your targets one week. These consequences could be anything from having your coach run you through an additional workout, doing manual labour or sending money to a charity you don’t support.

Figure out your non-negotiables, write them down and determine the consequences if you fail to follow through on them. Need help figuring yours out? Drop a comment or email me at mitch@mitchcalvert.com.