Reflection helps instill life lessons

Charleswood

The end of January is a little late to be making New Year resolutions – most of which would have been broken by now anyway.

So instead of resolutions, I decided I would reflect on some things I learned during the past year. Some are the consequence of growing older –and while I’d like to say wiser, that might up for debate. Others were brought about by circumstances, and particularly the death of my brother Roger, who suffered much more than anyone should have to; leaving me to question beliefs I’ve held all my life. A parallel lesson involves letting go of perceived notions of fairness; telling people how you feel about that while they are still with us; and trying to find peace in life.

Without getting into specifics, here are some general comments about how I dealt with these issues and what I learned, in the hope that these will lighten the burden for others who may share them or something similar.

Life lesson No. 1: Make life matter. As we age, we think more about what our life represents. During our working years, we have little time or energy to think about what we’ll do when we have time. But after years of golf and whatever, many people feel something is missing. That something could be purpose. Volunteering or finding other ways to contribute to society can help with this. For me, it involves activism and shedding light on injustices – to people and animals – by writing about the need for change.

Life lesson No. 2: Expect the unexpected. The saying “Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans’ captures the essence of aging, and makes us realize how little control we have over what happens to and in our lives. That’s why it’s important to keep family and friends close. Show and tell them you care. Just assuming they know how you feel or planning to get to it may not work. When you’re ready, they may be gone or may no longer be able to understand what you have always wanted to say.

Life lesson No. 3: Don’t ruminate. Self-reflection can help change behaviour but ruminating about what we did or didn’t do or said or shouldn’t have said isn’t going to change the past. We make mistakes and sometimes an apology isn’t enough to repair the damage. In that case, we just have to let go. Not all relationships are meant to be permanent. Be grateful for those you had and those you still have.

Which brings me back to the New Year’s resolution I didn’t make. This year, my goal is to live a life that brings me peace, and wherever possible, help others to find theirs. I know that won’t be easy, but a goal is something you work towards.