Aging and the modern age

Fort Rouge

Is there anything modern about aging? I do not think so. Since time immemorial, age has been the daunting problem no one could solve. Not getting old yet living a long life and looking fresh and youthful is still the dream. We often feel discouraged by wrinkles, sagging arms, or any evidence of aging – except when applying for jobs, when we suddenly want our years of experience to matter.

Many people are anxious about aging and dying, especially about losing independence or living in a care facility.

When I was young, growing up in a village in Guyana, 65 years was old, ancient — 70 was winning the longevity jackpot. Today, 65 is the new 45. We are living longer and with this comes an explosion of age-related issues, such as dementia and Alzheimer’s and other chronic or debilitating conditions.

In my circle of friends, which is mostly immigrant women, there is concern about entering a long-term care facility or having the wrong gender of health-care workers assigned to provide personal care. Older women often talk about feeling afraid when someone, especially a young man, participates in their personal care – such as bathing or changing diapers. To address these concerns, women should have confidence in their personal care choices. We are at a vulnerable stage and need peace of mind, not extra stress. Allowing older adults to choose their caregivers helps protect their dignity, particularly when they do not have anyone else to speak up for them. However, male workers might interpret such choices as unfair treatment under the Manitoba human rights laws. I do not have the answer to this, but these women would like to be accommodated.

Long-term care is often new to immigrants. Traditionally, non-family members rarely cared for older adults. Families took care of the aged, and the village supported childless couples with godchildren, cousins, neighbours, nieces or nephews. Someone would step up from the goodness of their heart to help another human being, especially if that person contributed positively to village life.

Let us face it, getting older is daunting for the best of us, especially if we begin to see our doctors more often than our best friends. However, if you are enjoying reasonable health, this could be the most transformative stage of one’s life. There is the freedom to sleep in, in dropping out of the nine-to-five routine, in not knowing what day of the week it is because you choose not to go anywhere. Some people present themselves with confidence, without the need to maintain a facade of youth or seek the external validation often desired in earlier years.

How wonderful it would be if we could maintain our independence into old age. There are no equal opportunities in this regard. No one comes out of this world healthy and alive. It is something with which we must live.

Why not be happy when the end arrives after 80 or 90 years? All good things must end. Imagine reading a book that does not end, attending school that never ends, a journey that never ends. Boring. Knowing that there is an end gives life its meaning and keeps us interested. Value every moment of life while you are alive.

Aging is a privilege that calls for gratitude. Instead of trying to turn back time I invite older folks to embrace the wisdom of their age, to be bold, beautiful, and gracefully radical.